Physical Abuse
Standing over you, getting
"in your face," blocking a doorway, grabbing you if you try to leave,
kicking, punching, biting, slapping, choking, threatening to harm you,
using weapons, throwing things, breaking things, punching walls or
doors, driving recklessly, burning, cutting, pulling hair, stabbing,
strangling, tying or confining you, preventing you from seeking medical care, murder.
Economic Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Insults, put downs,
intimidating you, embarrassing you in public, talking down to you, not
listening to or respecting your feelings, making threats, telling you
you’re not “GLBTQ,” “man,” or “strong” enough, being jealous,
possessive, controlling; excessive or threatening texts, wanting access
to your messages, email, FaceBook/MySpace, spying, checking up on you,
accusations of cheating, making you feel like you need to justify
yourself, giving you no privacy, shaming you for your sexual
orientation.
Verbal Abuse
Yelling,
shouting, swearing, continuously arguing, interrupting, talking over
you, put downs, using loud and threatening language and tone to cause
fear, name calling, intimidating you, mocking you, abusive language.
Withholding
money, opening up a joint account but you don’t have access, forcing
you to leave your job, forcing you to get fired, shaming you for how you
spend your money, not allowing you to work or get an education, putting
all the bills/credit cards in your name, preventing you from using a
car.
Mental Abuse
Playing
mind games with you, twisting everything around so nothing is their
fault and all of their behavior was caused by something you did or
didn’t do, accusing you of doing things that they are doing, lying,
manipulating you for control or sex, threatening to “out” you to
parents, friends, classmates, distorting reality so you think you are
losing your mind.
Sexual Abuse
Rape, unwanted sexual touching, vulgar comments, pressure for sex, forcing you to have unprotected sex, forcing you to get pregnant
or to have an abortion, sexting, forcing you to have sex with other
people or to watch your partner have sex with someone else, forcing you
to use or participate in pornography.
Signs of Abuse
- A Push for Quick Involvement. Comes on very strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone”. An abuser pressures the person for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
- Jealousy. Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone”; checks the mileage on your car.
- Controlling. Interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about whom you talked to, and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
- Unrealistic Expectations. Expects you to be the perfect person and meet their every need.
- Isolation. Tries to cut you off from family and
friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble”.
The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent you from holding a
job . - Blames Others for Problems and Mistakes. The boss, you – it’s always someone else’s fault if anything goes wrong.
- Makes Everyone Else Responsible for his Feelings. The abuser says, “You make me angry: instead of, “I am angry” or, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.” Less obvious is the claim “you make me happy”.
- Hypersensitivity. Is easily insulted, claiming that his/her feelings are hurt when he/she is really mad. He/She’ll rant about the injustice of things that are just part of life.
- Cruelty to Animals and to Children. Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3 year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
- “Playful” Use of Force during Sex. Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; says he/she finds the idea of rape exciting.
- Verbal Abuse. Constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names.
- Rigid Sex Roles. Expects you to serve, obey and
remain at home. - Sudden
Mood Swings . Switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a matter of minutes. - Past Battering. Admits hitting people in the past, but says they made him/her do it or the situation brought it on.
- Threats of Violence. Makes statements like, “I’ll break your neck, “or I’ll kill you,” and then dismisses them with, “Everybody talks that way,” or “I didn’t really mean it”. If he/she has come this far, it is time to get help, or get out!
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